Kayotic Konfessions

Itz so much easier to be a Mess…


March 2011

“Dont open the Doors”…

It has recently hit to me that Metro gets more ridiculous as the  days go by!!! I am not even referring to their prices, that would take more than just one blog entry. I am talking about the actual drivers and workers of Metro. I do believe they get paid enough to have better attitudes towards the people who are making it possible for them to have jobs. They can take that extra sec to hold the train doors for someone running (knowing the sign reads the next train comes in 20 min), they can STOP and open the doors for the passengers trying to catch them before they leave the station or even have common courtesy with their interactions with the people. IF YOU DONT LIKE YOUR JOB… QUIT!!!

Nonetheless, I believe what I truly think yesterday had to be my WORST experience on Metro yet. If the entire bus is yelling “DO NOT OPEN THE DOORS”, can someone please tell me why he’d open them? Let me get you all up to speed on why the entire bus was screaming in a panick. There was a highschool boy on the bus that had to be no older than 17 years old. He had been yelling out the window at some other …OLDER…and much BIGGER… boys. The guys returned the verbal confrontation by yelling and threatening to get on the bus and beat the breaks off this little boy. Thru-out this five second escapade the mob of boys on the corner decided to run and gathered together at the next bus stop. To prevent this NONSENSE, and a possible and fatal incident with innocent bystanders in the way, we all yelled “DO NO OPEN THE DOORS”. Yet this IDIOT… yes, he was an IDIOTopens the doors.

       I would have to say it was about fifteen boys that jumped on the already crowded bus to head to the back of the bus. Very aggressively they made a path out of no room. I mean they were knocking over people, elbowing people, hurting the elderly people on crutches to get to this boy. “I WAS TERRIFIED!!!” Yes, I said it.. because I was close to the back. Nowadays, you never know if they are going to actually fight (which is rare) or pull out some sort of weapon. To make matters worst, the entire back of the bus consisted of mothers and their children; little children. So you have the mothers yelling and challenging this mob of angry bulky looking boys because they might harm their babies if they start fighting. They boys cared but not really, so to prevent fighting near the kids they tried to snatch the kid off the bus, and when that didn’t work they yelled “Snatch him through the window”. (wow right?!!)

It was terrifying,  horrible, and annoying to all the innocent bystanders inconvenienced by the IDIOT bus driver who should have taken that extra second, taken the time… shoot, something to actually listen.

-Kayotic Konfessions


FYI:: You were my last result!!!

Verizon logo
Dumb ass Verizion!!!!

Last choice, Last decision, Last result… was calling you!!!

Is it just me, or will you exercise every possible option before calling a service like Verizon, Sprint, Comcast or any other service that is now animated? They are no longer the easy solution to your problems, more like the annoying “LAST RESULT”

“PRESS 1 if you’re already annoyed with this questioning process, Press 2 if our animated operator doesn’t understand you, press 3 if you’re no longer calm, we’ve wasted your time and have caused you nothing but added frustrated…. IM SORRY… I didn’t understand nor comprehend your selection, PLEASE TRY BACK LATER. THANK-YOU 🙂 “

     I recently exercised using my last result Sunday, by calling Verizon. Who in fact, set up my Internet account in January, however told me that my START date wouldn’t be until MARCH 25th. How the hell that works, I still can’t grasp. (insert :: frustrated Student for MONTHS…now let’s continue, shall we) So, I get a call this passing Friday the 25th, saying my service had started etc. I was gone for the weekend but cool; it’s finally working I thought to myself. I get home and what do I find? NO DAMN INTERNET SERVICE!!! (insert:: MONTHS OF FRUSTRATION coming back to me all at once).

Do you think I really wanna call Verizon right now?? Really??

I decide to try to fix all possible problems, you know the obvious ones::…. Turn it off and on… Unplug it… reset it etc. NOTHING!!! Finally, I give in and decide to deal with the damn animated operator for 5 mins. She asks pointless questions; the same questions the REAL operator asks ALL OVER AGAIN!!! What the hell was the point?? I then try to give the operator the benefit of the doubt, because he doesn’t understand my “months of frustrations”…. however, that whole approach went out the window when he asked “Well mam did you turn it off or try to reset it??”” Really? Seriously?? C’mon man…


-Kayotic Konfessions

Smack da Alarm….

"Oh myyy starsss.... HUSH!!!"

If my alarm clock was a person this morning, I think it woulda been like Tyson vs. Holyfield in my bedroom. I would have been all for fighting dirty; for that’s how annoying my alarm clock was today. It knew I was tired as hell. I kept hitting the snooze button and it just kept going off. Like seriously, can’t you interpret I dont want to get up after the 5th snooze man. It got to the point I jumped up ready to scream ” will you the SHUT THE HELL UP… I hear you dammit, sheesh!!! I AM UP!!!”. Is it wrong to yell at my clock when I got to get up for class? Is waking me up out of glorious sleep really a favor? Well if so, today it didnt feel like it so my alarm clock and I…. had some technical difficulites!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Kayotic Konfessions

Victim of the words….

It’s 5:35 am, (I should be sleep) however, I am up thinking about the words. How quickly they come about, how swiftly they ease out. Roll off the tongue with no type of remorse or force… almost rehearsed, second nature, I almost typed it just now but my brain was my savior, almost inevitable I’ve been saying it so long, I know it isn’t right yet it hardly ever feels wrong… at least at the time.

At that specific time I say these words I mean it, I feel it, sometimes its written in my soul, don’t want to hold on to it or be a victim no more, I’m guilty of Tryna surpress, I wanna konfess, just get it off my chest… and just as my first tear falls, and I hear the silent gossiping among my four walls… that is when my lips tremble, for they just want to say it.. whether it be at a mouses whispher or a neighbor waking chant… my brain just wants to scream these words… but my heart knows “I can’t”!!!

“I’m a victim of using the words “I can’t”… learn to exclude those words from your vocabulary because I am sure we are ALL VICTIMS.” – KAY

– I can do anything
Kayotic konfessions

Put a Muzzle on it….

Not a leash, a Muzzle!!!

     I thought the homeless people were a nuisance… always begging for handouts and the easy route, when they can’t even take the initiative to get off their unwashed butts and fill out a job application. If they can left their fingers to write on a piece of cardboard with a pen, then they can sure enough write their name on an app. Dont look at me as judgement because “I HAVE BEEN HOMELESS!!! and I HAVE LIVED IN A SHELTER”…. so I KNOW the difference between HOMELESS and just plain ol TRIFLIN and LAZY!!!! If you’re begging and you’re on that same corner EVERYDAY… “PUT A MUZZLE ON IT”

However, it’s no longer the homeless people who bother me….

I was riding metro… I’m not even sure where I was going but I do remember what stood out about my trip. A young man/teen got on the train begging….(normally I don’t mind… they be selling cd’s or some kind of boys club group). Any who, he said “Mam, I just got outta jail, im tryna do the right thing… I don’t want to steal, can you please help me out with some spare change?”. Now, knowing what he’s saying …. I thought about my wallet… I had no cash (glad I didn’t). So I replied “I’m sorry I dont have it”. However as soon as the words rolled off my lips… my mind instantly begin taking a mental picture of this little boy.

His outfit : Polo Boots, True Religions, Black tee and a Ralph Lauren Coat….

 = More than enough to buy his ass food for a MONTH!!!

I’m examining him from head to toe and He spazes out “B*** this, B**** that…. I’m trying to do the right f’ning thing…”!! I’m telling you, if I didn’t have my priorities straight and if it were any other day… I probably would have snatched the life right outta this little boy. What is wrong with these kids??!!! They don’t know what to say outta their mouth and taking advantage of people kindness (while they portray to be worst than the homeless) aint going to cut!!!

They better put a MUZZLE on it… before they spaze out on the wrong one!!!

-Kayotic Konfessions

Diluted Illusion…

As a parent, there are many things that I don’t want to take from my daughter. So many things I still want her to bear witness to even thou certain obstacles prevent that reality to be. I want her to know that even thou her father and I will never get back together; “Love did exist there”.

If you look at us now, this is not the reality of things. Not even close. I can’t stand the person he has grown to be or how much of a man/father he is not… while he probably see’s me as a bitchy spawn of satan (Not sure, but hey..maybe).  

However, despite how closed hearted we are now, there was a time our hearts did beat as one. At times, I still can’t believe it, so I know she’ll have a hard time swallowing the truth. It isn’t until I run across old poems, pictures etc… that I stop and think ” Damn, I loved the hell outta him”.

For her sake and sanity when she gets older I keep these things, when normally I would trash the past. Who am I to take away from an image she may want to see? Who am I to erase this diluted illusion she may want to cling onto? I never got to see my parents happy and together until I was going through my grandma’s things and there it was : “An old, half tarnished photo of the two of them in the park, all hugged up and smiling”. Needless to say, I was shocked but my heart was touched beyond belief. As an old lover of my daughter’s father I wish I could forget but as the mother of his child I choose not too. I have a box of memories : Old pictures when we were in love/inseparable, old poems and journals where I confessed I loved, jail letters… when he was away while she was 1 and 2, old emails where we fought thru out the years (So she can judge for herself) and even a ring he once gave me before she got here (which I will give to her).

“What seems like overrated trash to me, may be a whole new world of treasure to her….”


– Kayotic Konfessions

Pledge allegiance to the height…

Height, my dear lovely height,

What is woman to do without your presence? You are truly the best thing smoking since sliced bread came into play. You have the ability to take my breathe away with one glance. You have become my true weakness, my infamous kryptonite.

Seeing tall men… 6 ft and up, makes my knees get weak. Not to mention your one hit wonders like Javale Mcgee who plays for the wizards… who’s 7ft or damn near knocking at the door. What gives you the right to show off like that height? Just creating these drool worthy trees … I mean men. Lls

None the less…I ain’t complaining,
For I pledge allegiance to you… the truth, the height.
A tall man might b wrong but damn do they look right.

(At least in my book haha),
Kayotic konfessions

Re-occurring fear

Fearing the unknown isn’t new to me. There is so much going right that I’m gettin afraid that something bad will occur. Not sure if this is normal but its almost like a routine. A way for myself to stay grounded and not get so comfortable. There are times I even daydream of scenarios, sometimes bad ones… so that I can prepare my heart and mind for the worst. I’m not sure if this method even works but I always find myself drifting off in thoughts…. in insecurities I have no reason to even have.

I think my past has made me a worrier, a person that’s afraid of all the possible “what if’s”. For example… what if he cheats (I must b strong enough to walk away), what if we don’t work (how bad will that hurt me), what if he gets in an accident while on that bike (I would probably crumble), will he hurt me one day? Will a Future together be positive…?

I almost wish I could see the future, so my fear would subside and I could be 100 percent secure. Is my reoccuring fear gonna scare me out of a good thing?

On pins n needles,
Kayotic konfessions

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