Never Gonna Get it

So, today was the first time I checked on my child support case in probably forever. I can’t even tell you where the darn atm card is for the case because “hey, there’s NEVER anything on there” lol. I am laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing because I know “I am NEVER GONNA GET IT”, but also crying because man could I use it.

I’m not talking about using it for myself; buying new shoes, purses and miscellaneous bs. None of that nonsense you tend to see people who actually get child support do #NoShade #IJS.

My daughter’s birthday is this weekend and it would be nice if that owed money could be used for her. Not to mention, she out grows EVERYTHING within a 3-month span. I’m 5’10 and her biological father is 6’7 so it’s expected. However, it can be very hard to sustain her needs/wardrobe at times.

Any who, so I checked this account and man did my eyes and mind just wonder. Just the possibilities of paying ish on time, receiving help with her aikido, dance and the million other activities I pay for to keep her active and out of any trouble. Can we insert that emoji with the sigh and the smoke coming out of his month. Sadly the account doesn’t display no small change; I’m talking over 28K in the rears.

Now, this figure is draw dropping I imagine and it seems a little ridiculous to most (unless you have a child). So here is a short breakdown to help those that do not have any children. On average ii costs about 245K to raise a child from birth to 18 years of age.  My princess is 8, soon to be 9 this weekend. Using the USDA calculator, thus far I’ve spent about $102,168 raising her alone for 9 years come Saturday (I almost choked when that figure popped up, but yeah).

Now, comparing what I have provided versus what he owes, you see that the absent parent is not being held accountable for the difference of $74,168.00.

Ready for the big boom…

I don’t know what’s worse… knowing he’ll never understand how much I’ve provided, knowing he’s not even being held accountable for half; or the even funnier reality of it all –

“I am NEVER GOING TO GET A CENT” #HotMess

Best still falls Short

As a parent, it’s really hard to admit you are drowning. You tend to make every move you can to provide, to stay afloat; even if your entire head is beneath water except your nose.

I know, I am making do and my kids see very little of the struggle (due to every effort I make to conceal it) but lawddddd it get’s a little rough. What are you suppose to do when you best still falls short? When you are juggling bills, doing odd jobs outside of a fulltime job and still coming up short… how do you constantly find the silver lining?

I often find comfort in knowing my major bills are paid and that at the end of the day a roof over everyone’s head is a done deal. This soothes my soul. At least until other bill notifications come in, school trips, unexpected car needs, fridge on E, overdraft fees etc. start overflowing in your realm of peace.

The never-ending cycle just knocks you back to square one = BACK TO DROWNING.

No one sees it because you hide it but throughout your entire day you’re in survival mode; calculating the next move, the next priority and the plan to once again stay afloat.

It’s amazing at times that I make stuff work and that I still seem to manage to help others. People always say “it’ll come back to you”, but no one ever seems to mention “when”. When will your best not fall short? When will your best last longer than a day or two? When will I be able to stand in life as opposed to sinking in it?

(Photo credits: Google Search)