"I always loved you"
“I always loved you”

Trying to let my emotions flow,

But I’ve been holding them so long,

Not the type to hold grudges but the fight we had was strong,

I’m usually the first to say I’m sorry,

But my reasons were concrete,

that’s the lie I’ve been repeating,

To make it easier to sleep

 

 

11 years without a word

No new memories or Reports of change

Tried to reach out to you once

But you didn’t remember my name

Didn’t dwell on it thou,

For I was still pissed at you

Not knowing that in the end…

I’d be angry with me too.

 

I’m angry I couldn’t forgive

That I fueled the flame and then built a wall,

I’m angry it took your death

For that barrier to break and fall

Now I’m left reminiscing and wishing

Second guessing all my decisions

Things we did and didn’t say

Wish I was more mature back then

And you weren’t so stuck in your ways

 

We could have fixed it,

But it’s too late

Could have corrected all of our mistakes

Could have expressed love instead of basking in endless hate

Could have healed the wounds

Instead of suppressing the ache

Could have shared our love thru the grapevine

Instead no one knows who you are

Or understands our history

All they know is that I’m angry,

Left reminiscing and wishing…

 

No one knows I like Otis Redding because of you

That I sing sitting by docks, because that’s what we used to do

That you’re the reason I know the movies true lies and colors line for line

That I was your shadow till I was sixteen because you watched me all the time

That I have a soft spot for diabetics because I used to give you your shot

That when I mention my ‘grandma’, I low-key reference you a lot

I just never put emphasis on it,

Never placed a name with a face

Even though we never spoke

You really never lost your place

 

I guess I’m angry because I still loved

Loved really hard from a distance

Loved really hard without it showing,

Now you’re gone and that love is freaking overflowing.

It’s kind of late to say it now

But I’m hoping if I put it in the air,

Maybe god will take these words and let you read them up there….

 

Way past late… but, I’m sorry and I love you.

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