Want to put my feelings into words but it’s hard to say it,
still every second of the day… I’m replaying it,
How I was hoping I’d be your favorite. (Once again).
Not rushing it, just steady, going pretty slow,
with the flow,
not being resilient, fighting the urge,
ignoring your actions, so captivated by words
the bigger picture was all I heard.
But then the words turned silent,
No I love you’s, I miss you,…. no future visions,
just bullshit responses to questions,
and you acting different…
Still trying but now observant,
no longer there without a clue,
watching every move,
noting every change
from what you did and didn’t do.
Still hopeful wishing,
but now with convictions, for no one is perfect,
but Maybe it’s me,
He couldn’t … he wouldn’t be,
he wouldn’t fuck us up after he said he wanted his family…
Damn I was wrong,
and to think he KNOWS me,
he knew I would flip,
he knew I’m not the type to okay that type of shyt,
he knew I would never come second,
to no other bitch…
No matter the circumstances,
If I’m “it”, what was the point,
why fucking ask me to try,
why sit in my face and Know I know,
and yet feed me another lie…
how could he think fucking me and someone else,
would EVER be alright?
I saw with my own two eyes,
I can’t erase the shyt,
I can’t even forget,
how in that second…. it all slipped away,
My vision that you feed me ran astray,
My respect for you as a man instantly began to fade…
My heart fell beside that open wrapper, I found that day.
(Lawddd…. I know this isn’t my best work but it’s as good as I could do… with expressing how I feel).