Today I went to go see “Something Borrowed”… I really enjoyed the movie. It’s movies like this, that make me rethink my life while leaving the theater. No, I did not cheat with my best friends fiance haha, but there are times when I allow my niceness and my passive ways to leave me unhappy or unsatisfied with my life choices. I should have spoken up or possibly had a little back bone. I’ve never been sure how to approach this downfall of mines but after seeing this movie I know I want to start. There are a few things that are in play right within my life right now that I need to have backbone about but I truly believe that I am afraid. I am afraid of losing, the outcome, the change and what will follow (maybe regret). I see myself speaking up and I see the image playing out in my head….. Let’s face it folks the end result (of this dream) scares the hell out of me. However, the person I am becoming consciously in the process is also unacceptable.
I think I am ready to change though. At least I really and truly want to be ready. I don’t want to waste my life being scared to go for and find what I want because I can’t turn my voice up above thoughts and a whisper. I don’t want to settle for things that aren’t up to parr because all I could manage to get out were passive phrases or things like “No, that cool”. How do I say what I want and mean what I say? When is the right time to start? Now huh??!!
I know I want to change… I guess I will do it some day soon.