I never have a hard time knowing my place in a relationship, for I know what I can provide and bring to the table. So I’m always comfortable, yet… I always look for reassurance that “I’m secure”. Stability isn’t something that my life has learned to grasp. It’s like a foreign language, the words/actions are spoken and I’m still tryna translate. I don’t watch or look for mistakes within my relationships, for they’re bound to happen; nobody’s perfect. What I look for is signs of uncertainty; signs that I should pack my bags and RUN!!!
I been thru alot so I’m a runner at heart! You cannot point to the door and expect me not to walk to it… I WILL!!! Esp, if the window isnt closer. I run when I’m scared, I feel unappreciated, or I just feel unwanted! It’s easier and I don’t want to get hurt!
So to keep me from running I look for reasons to stay. Things that make me feel comfortable, to the point… if I get hurt, “its worth it”. In relationships people are given titles. Titles they don’t deserve and titles that reflect no heart or thought was put behind it. I have the tendency on watching how people introduce their significant other. I guess you could say it’s one of my pet peeves. How they look away, barely mumble… even forget the title, if not the person all together and say… “oh, this is such as such”. It really grinds my gears… to the point, I might not even bother to introduce the person I’m with the next time where out with random friends depending on how they go about acknowledging me.
Nonetheless, My POI and me went out this weekend. I can honestly say I was shocked and Impressed. He has no idea, cause I still have yet to tell him, “HE IS AWESOME”. He gave me what I needed without even knowing. I know how he feels about us, the title, etc. I have it, so I dont press the issue, I might as a million reassuring questions lol (blame my past), but I KNOW my place. HOWEVER, to hear it… and watch as he took pride in it! The fact… I, Kayotic Konfesions is his lady. There was no mumble, no konfusion, and no lack in respect as the words fell from his lips. I was given it all, sincerity and genuine praise. His close net but distant friends, the ones I had heard about but never seen until this night…. finally seen me! They were introduced to the way he sees me! I felt overjoyed, for a lack of better words “LOVED”.
“Never knew I needed” by Ne-yo popped in my head after that night!