known love?

I haven’t known love too long. Occasionally, it has partially grazed my presence but always in the form of lust. A lust so strong that by the time I finish inhaling it, I think I can move mountains. It has always been this reoccurring SET UP. At least to me… You know, that beginning stage; when I’m head over heels and ready to eat air. (That’s how high on so-called love I’d be…) and then right back out of it. Either the lust would hurt me or I just got bored. It wasn’t until recently that it HIT ME!!!

I’ve never known Love, but I have loved. Crazy right?

Every last one of my relationships… every ex, boy toy, lover …whatever….. “I have loved”. I just loved them all in a different way. From my first sexual love, to my just like me love, a dollar and a dream love, one college love, pass the time – fun love and my emotionally unstable love. All very different feelings, events, bonds and even very different outcomes when they ended. I’ve said “I LOVE YOU” and every one of those relationships and I meant it. However now… just the thought of  “I LOVE YOU” rings to a different symphony when I think of my “Point of interest” (POI).

A different kind of love. It makes me wonder about my OTHER loves… Did I love them LOL? Does the fact I KNOW love now…degrade my past loves?

When I recently was smacked with the reality of “KNOWING LOVE”… it took me back to my childhood. Ever seen “It takes two” with Mary-Kate and Ashley?? They describe love as this can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence, world-series kind of stuff. THEY WERE RIGHT!!! LOL

I’m not willing to Lose my Knew love… or HURT my love in any kind of way. It’s not like my past loves, and it’s not like everyday NORMAL kinda love. To have Loved but never KNOWN love… is heartbreaking, but to discover what you thought you KNEW… for the first time… Is liberating. 🙂 It’s worth the sometimes disappointing, un-fulfilling and hurtful journey. I wish everyone could get a whiff of this. Not mines of course LOL (I’ll fight for mines)… But of your own.


-Kayotic Konfessions